Clinton Young – Loud and Clear
Date: December 2017
Topic: Wrapping up a year
It has been a roller coaster of a year. As I write this there is still a few days left in 2017.
It has gotten to where so much takes place in a year that it is hard to believe that the event wasn’t a couple of years ago.
The destructive forces of nature, man’s unique ability to be able to develop new ways to hurt each other, so many agendas it is hard to sort out what “right” even means. More so with so many wrongs. It has gotten to where facts do not even hold weight anymore. The means have to matter or the end will always be turmoil. Clearly shown by the tone of the political landscape.
The masses are at odds while few get richer and stronger.
How big of a storm is needed to wake people up?
It’s like people cannot even talk to one another.
We hold onto our walls that are reinforced by elements that at the end of the day really do not matter.
People may have picked up a different tone in my words in recent times. It’s simple. I had my storm.
Beyond the date for execution, I went through some stuff with people that I was close to. I directed my frustrations towards the wrong people at times. When I needed people the most, I pushed them away the hardest. I ended up going several weeks without a visit while dealing with the execution date.
All of it helped to open my eyes more.
Then planning my funeral and final days with loved ones.
It makes you re-evaluate life, or at least it did me.
I have always thought about what could have been had my life been put on a different path. Though a different path doesn’t always mean a better outcome. As a child I had plans of joining the military. When I went to enlist I couldn’t due to my criminal record. At least not as an officer. Had life been stable for me, I could have joined, went off to war and ended up another casualty saluted and then forgotten.
My life went as it did and now I am here. Before, I focused on everything I didn’t have, dwelled on the ways I was wronged. Justified the anger as cause and effect of life. Then I fought for those that doubted to see my victory.
The past few months helped me to instead look at what I did have in life.
A rich man can sit up in his castle and cry, while a poor man huddles in his hut and smiles.
When we always seek for more, we can never be satisfied with what we have. There are people that have never been to prison that live with more pain that myself.
When I write that I feel happy, I do not mean that I am fully satisfied, as I am not. There is still injustice that I face. The prosecutor is still trying to kill me, to protect (I guess) the reputations of her past co-workers. (Life doesn’t have much value these days it seems)
The ironic thing is that she does it at the risk of her own reputation.
What is a bit scarier is that I have a group of lawyers fighting for me. Plus, I am educated enough that I am like an extra lawyer. If all took place with me and my team how much more would happen to an uneducated person with an unconcerned, court appointed attorney?
(For cases that are not “capital” in Texas the court appointed lawyers have a very small budget and if it costs the county too much, they do not get appointed again. Capital cases, more so facing death, those lawyers get a bigger budget.)
My fight is not over with yet. There is surely no time to relax.
Maybe they will end up doing the right thing, they are human beings, so I will not give up on them.
When it comes to feeling blessed, I have reasons to be. Again, I could sit around and focus on all the things I do not have or I can focus on what I do have and make the most of it.
Are my problems so big that I cannot help others? No matter your journey, there is always time to help someone up that has fallen.
There have been people enter my life that have had some hard times in their own lives. Many can see the problem, but not all have the vision to be able to see through it, thus allowing it to define them.
If I can help someone take back control of their life to then help another, it makes my own life gain a bit more value.
I have been told before that I am worthless. That I would never amount to anything. Do I sit here in a pool of pity and allow that to be true? Or do I make the most of what life has given me?
What really is success?
If life has given me the wisdom and strength to make the world a better place, that is a blessing.
People that know me personally would not be shocked that I would want to help others.
Many testified to that fact in my trial, that I would help people. Only thing is that going through everything with the execution date, it caused me to really think about my legacy. Coming so close to dying I was aware that, had it happened, I would have left this world defined purely by my fight over this case.
Since day 1 my fight has been that I did not do it. That I would not have done what they said I did. As I often said, I was so embarrassed in the trial. That they were saying I killed 2 people for cars. Beyond calling me a killer, they said it was for a car to go see a girl.
That is total bullshit.
So that was going to end up being my legacy. That my life would be defined by that battle. One my enemies created, versus one I created. I don’t know about others, but I want more for myself, I expect more from myself and I demand more of myself!
I am aware of my individual greatness and the various strengths that I have. I am strong enough to be able to life others up during my journey and to keep going forward, even beyond the finish line. I can live on through the love of others by the way they go on to help others.
It makes all the pain worth it.
A person can use the pain inside of them to fuel the flame that scorches the world around them, or they can use the pain to fuel the flame that can then be used as a light. It is all about how you sue what life has given you. You either allow it to make you or break you, to be a master of YOUR life or a slave to the life given to you.
Someone comes along & from their own weakness, harms you. To what right do they then have power over your life? Do not give it to them! I have been wronged. I have been hurt. I have also wronged and hurt others. Thankfully I can see beyond the obstacles. I could sit here and write out all the ways life is unfair to me. That is not the man I am.
As a child I saw myself in the way that was presented to me by others. I allowed others to define my life by the insecurities that I had adopted from them. Labeled as broken. Classified as bad. What was there left to do but be bad? I mean, it wasn’t my fault, I was “broken” after all!
As a child other peoples lack of understanding, fear, and weakness defined my world. As I grew up I began to take control of my life. Thankfully, I had a vision to be able to see beyond others; to recognize my own strengths, to be educated so that I could love myself and then in turn, live.
Learn, Love, Live.
I am happy that I can help others take control of their life, to be able to have the love that allows them to live. That is a blessing.
Sadly, my awareness of my own strengths was often forged in the flames of violence. That it defined my courage.
Here I am at this place in life. Do not be shocked that a man in my situation could see the world as I do, as that would mean you doubt your own ability. Also, please do not confuse my joy with satisfaction and safety.
My life is still at risk. I am far from being out of dangers way, you all are still needed. The battle is not over yet, much less the war. There is much to do.
I am going to have to write my book differently & self publish because publishers just take too long. So that begins, it will be done by summertime. I thank everyone that helped guide me through the storms of 2017. We have to keep pushing ahead.
Take Care, Smile & Strive for all that you desire.
Learn, Love, Live
Veni, Vidi, Vici
Clinton Young#999447 saveaninnocentlife.com
D.R – Polunksy Unit clintonyoungfoundation.com
3872 FM 350 South saveclintyoung.com
Livingston, TX 77315 “Love is Freedom”