Loud and Clear
Date: April 7, 2015
Topic: Please give your undivided attention!
There must be some typos in some of my recent blogs . That or I did not put enough effort into explaining my point of view. That or some did not read it correctly. In recent blogs I mentioned relationship matters & those that handle my campaign. Someone used the term Empire. I like that! 🙂 Emperor Clinton ! 🙂 haha
It fits the topic of the books I am currently reading. To those not getting I mean that as a joke. It’s a fucking joke! Though to be clear on something. I wrote about people helping me. I listed some of them that are key players in my campaign . The world to lock on to in that line is “KEY”. Okay!? These are the main people behind my efforts. I wrote about how they had proven themselves to me. I actually received a couple Jpays about this matter. One of which I was shocked to get more than the other. As this one I have had much more contact with & etc. I expect I might get some regular letters about it. I want to take the time to clear it up. Just because I did NOT mention someones name, it does not mean that they do not hold any value for me. I repeat it does NOT mean, they mean less to me. My blog was not a roll call of all that have helped me. As there are surely those that have donated often. I did not mention them. Is one to be foolish enough to assume that I do not value these people?
I did not mention Amy. She visits me often, is a friend of mine, & helps out as I need. Did I mention her? No! Why? Because she is not over a particular area of my campaign. I mention Alexandra & went into detail. Why? Because I was for the first time proclaiming an individual as being able to be my voice. Something I have never done before. I have always made sure I had a firm grip on my campaign, as it involves my life. Plus I had never, until now, met a person that was in some ways a woman after my own heart. Meaning we see things in a similar way, when it comes to business & etc. Does not mean we see the world through mirrored eyes! As we certainly have positions we disagree on. That is because she is an individual, as I am. Now to break it down even farther. I ask people to donate money to help me. People that have not known me prior to coming to prison . People that do not know Alexandra, Jorunn, Renate, & etc.
For them to what to donate . They must A.) Believe in my cause, B.) Have faith in my efforts, & C.) have faith that the person over the account will handle it in an ethical manner. How smart would it be, for me to pick some random person that wrote me, to handle thousands of dollars ? This money people give due to believing in me. Which is something I value. I take the trust people put in me very serious. As not only do I have to protect the interest of my life saving efforts. I have to protect the people that help me. I am obligated to them. As a result, does a person that has a pivotal role in my campaign have to prove themselves to me? You damn right they do! As what kind of fool would just ask some random person to hold thousands of dollars ? There have been men that write to guys in prison & act if they are women. Pro- death penalty people act as anti-death penalty activist . People have headed over peoples campaigns & then kept the money raised. My previous blog about the people, of what people help with. Also to reaffirm the faith I have in them. That I have met them &/or they have met each other. That they took independent efforts to help me. Alexandra had 500 shirts made before we really even got to know each other. She sold 350 of them herself at 25 euros each. She has took it upon herself to raise funds in other areas. When the funds was needed. There was not a second of hesitation in transferring these funds. (Not all of it has been used! Though she retained a civil laywer/investigator to help out with areas in my case.) Beyond that, in other areas I needed help in. Commissary & etc. She has never wavered in helping.
Jorunn is the same way. She made shirts & etc to sell in Norway from her own shop. Reached out to family & friends to help me. There are many months I would not have had enough funds for stamps or commissary had it not been for Jorunn. During christmas she sent gifts to my nephews. She has never hesitated when needed. Her & Alexandra have treated me as a member of their family. When I say they have proved themselves, I mean that! I say it so that all can know, that these are not random women pen pals. Both have had successful lives & families. Both are very active in my campaign.
I say all that, so I can stand up & tell people. That they can be trusted. It is to do with two things. Honor those that have given so much of their life for me & also for the benefit of my campaign . That all can known these people are sincere, honest, & dedicated.
I have written to Renate, Camille, & Catia for many many years. They have seen people come & go. They have seen the crazy bullshit I have had to deal with. They have gotten to know them.
I have met them & or others have met them. Katia & Anna handle the Italy portion of my campaign. They interact on a daily basis & have met each other. I did not mention Amy for example, as Amy is not over any element of my campaign. She is just my friend. I am sure she would be willing to help if I asked her. I never have in that area, as of yet. Amy is called a friend, because she has proved herself to me. By that I mean, she has shown her sincerity. She has me all mixed up in the family! 🙂 Simple matters as when she went back to Mexico to visit relatives. She had a picture of me cut out that was enlarged. Her family was having Christmas dinner & had the picture positioned, as if I was in the family photo with them. 🙂 It was just something simple. Though it showed I was not seen as an oddity. I was embraced like part of the family. Anytime I needed her, she was there for me.
There are others that I write to them & other members of their family. My blog isn’t meant to be a roll call of who I like & dislike. Now maybe some people use the word friend more loosely then I do. I understand social media has made the term far more common. Friends demand loyalty by simply being who they are. A friend. My using the word PROOVE, is a simple saying, that their actions have spoken louder than any words. That is all. It is no way means that I am on this pedestal, that a person has to clamber up to. Again. I mentioned them, so the world would know these people helping me in these key roles. That they are trustworthy. It is me giving my word, that I have faith in them. That others can have faith in them. Now others have made little comments about the relationship portion of the blog & past women raising the bar for future women.
The funny thing is I wrote a blog about child molesters & being emotionally impacted by some encounters, that I though my looks made me a target when I was younger, so I wanted to cut my face up. No one besides Amy mentioned that part of the blog ! (At least in the mail I have received thus far.) Though allow me to clear up the relationship & raising the bar comment. As then maybe people will be able to finally realize, that I can not be viewed through a simple lens. Long sigh. It’s fucking stupid. I even would have to clear this up. I should have stuck blogging about my case. None the less. Here is the deal. I was having a conversation with a couple guys here. One is married & I believe him to have a sincere relationship both emotionally & mentally with his wife. His wife is from the U.S. (NOT that that matters!) But they get to see each other often. Also they got in contact with each other in a unique way. With time it grew. We were talking about the benefit of having a great woman beside you. How some guys mess over women. We were talking about this. The other guy is single, but also was talking about one of his exes. This conversation went on about people in life. I of course talked about my experiences. I got to feeling a bit sad for myself & lonely. Thinking about how I missed that unique bond. I reached out to my ex. Sometimes the past is too much & the present too complicated. It simply will not work out. I was frustrated at myself, as I felt I acted in a moment of weakness. It takes nothing away from her. We have had an off & on interaction over the past couple years. We split, she would go on with her life. We write here & there, get closer & then repeat. 🙂 This situation is hard to deal with. Though that chapter has closed. Anyways, my words were not meant at anyone that I currently write. In a moment of frustration, I wrote what I did. Mostly frustrated at myself. Also so that anyone in the “future” wanted to write with the idea of such developing. That they didn’t. As if they do write with such an idea & it doesn’t happen. They might feel let down. I would rather avoid all that there. It does not mean that everyone that does write me has such in mind. My words of ‘a compliment’ is not a marriage proposal . I meant that two ways. Meaning just because someone compliments me & or writes to me. I do not have any preconceived notions about them. I take each person as they present themselves & we go from there. Some develop stronger bonds, some not. Again, it was just a general statement. As for the relationship comments, due to frustration at myself. I am only human. I am sure none can blame me for wanting love & affection! Though I just want to avoid any bullshit. Now as for my words about ‘raising the bar’. If anyone took that as a vain statement. Then you do not properly understand me. Though to explain. There have been some in my life that raised the bar, as they have showed me the essence of a great woman. Others have shown me what to avoid. The bar is not one placed in a position, that all others have to overcome. That would not be fair!
Though the past experience do help to shape the future desires. Everyone looks for certain qualities in a person. If they are thinking of the person they would want to spend their life with. I do not think anyone reading this would just marry some random person. Some have had a man in their life that had certain traits & that person hurt them. As a result, if she meets a guy that shares such traits. It will be a turn off. It goes both ways. I made a joke about Charlize Theron. However most guys will say, looks do not mean anything if she has a shitty personality & messed up attitude. Hell even the bible warns about such! I doubt God could be wrong. 🙂 (Not saying Charlize does). I have had a woman that never tried to control me. She accepted me as me. Was independent & had a proper sense of right from wrong. I have had a woman that was insanely smarter than me. Masters in philosophy & business. Very dedicated to her faith. Just examples. When you experience people with certain qualities. It forms an attraction. Does it mean that I expect my future wife, if I have such, to have a PhD? Hell no! Though I want her to have a hunger for learning. It doesn’t have to be in the colligate sense.
I could sleep with a dozen women. Just as each of those women could sleep with a dozen men each. (that’s a whole lot of sleeping huh? :)). Point is, if all are adults, it is what it is. A choice made. It only matters that each person is honest with the other. Not told a bunch of lies & bullshit for a desired ending. Now hooking up with someone. I am pretty sure all can agree is different than a relationship.
A woman looking for Mr. Right now, will say. “Hey he isn’t Mr. Right, but he is Mr. Right now”.
There is a BIG difference. I damn sure am not about to marry some crack whore! Not that I am against crack whores. I just do not plan to marry any! 🙂 ha.
To wrap it up. My words were NOT from vanity. It was a mixture of personal frustration & also to exemplify that I have met great women in my life. As a result, I have came to appreciate just how wonderful it is to have such standing beside me. I discussed some of this with one woman & she surprisingly asked me why would I settle for just one.
My belief is not for everyone to know everything about you. That is why I have always liked having that ‘one’ beside me. Anyways. It has been on my mind more, as I am faced with a potential end. Such causes me to think about all I have missed out on & could miss out on.
To wrap it up. I can only be the man I am. Life has caused me to develop rough edges. I am going to wrap this one.
Take care & strive for all that you desire.