Undated Article

Clint Young #999447”

The following is from Clint Young, #999447

“I wrote an article for ‘Uncensored’ back in February on the 6th. It was about recent suicides.

One of the points that I made in my last article was how everyone who has killed themselves, I know them. Well, I will be damned if it didn’t happened again.

On March 10th and ad-seg inmate hum himself.

Richard has already written about this event, though he didn’t know any of the details. They guy who hung himself only had 6 months ‘til it was time for him to go home (so I was told).

The officers did attempt to save his life. He died in route to the hospital. His death was a matter of minutes and seconds.

I did not know his name, but I did speak to him once. He was not really all with us upstairs. I got the impression that he was burnt out from drugs.

Many might wonder why someone who was going home in 6 months would and it all. Well, maybe he was going to be homelessin 6 months.

When an average offender’s time is up, they get a hundred dollars and a bus ticket. Wherever the offender goes is up to him. Some have nowhere to go, so they hit the streets, then the cycle repeats itself. Drugs, crime and back to prison!

I do not know who I have pissed of in my life. But I am tried of my neighbors killing themselves!

Since I am on Death Row and he was in seg., we were housed on different sections. Though we can still communicate. It is all a sad situation.

Now to switch topics, I want to talk about Richard and his situation. I talked to him at visit on the 26th of March. He was two booths down from me, visiting his wife and daughter.

I was visiting my wife.

I looked down and when I looked back up, his daughter was standing behind my wife smiling and waving at me.

I smiled and waved back.

Now I do not have any kids, so I cannot even begin to attempt to try to guess what Richard is going through. (My wife has a five year old daughter who I have grown close to.)

I could see in the reflection of a glass window, as he visited his family, has well as hear him. I saw and heard a very proud man.

I laughed as him and his daughter danced a little dance they have :). After all it is not everyday I see a guy dancing like a chicken :) Ha-Ha!

When the visitors left, I looked at the glass and saw him holding his head as the emotional weight took its toll. I knew he would have enough time to think when he got back to his cell.

So I hollered at him. I wanted to tell him it will be all right, but I respect the man too much to be to him. Many people rely on hope to carry them through this struggle.

-Friedrich Nietzsche wrote ‘Hope is the worst of evils for it prolongs the torment of man.’-

The truthfulness of his words is up for debate. Though my experiences in life cause me to agree with him. The reality is we are all here to be murdered by the State. After we die our families will then be ‘family members of a murder victim’.

So the cycle goes on. The pain doesn’t stop. No one wins.

True some will get pleasure from having so called Revenge! In the Nichomacheon Ethics of Aristotle, he wrote about revenge as ‘men regard it as their right to return evil for evil – and, if they cannot, feel they have lost this liberty.’

This stands true in the American Society. ‘He done this, so I got to do this’, way of thinking. Keep the cycle going!

Well, I am drifting from the point.

When I was talking to Richard, he informed me of all the people who are fighting for him. I could tell that he really appreciates it all!

Now I was housed in the death watch section for two weeks. I did not have a date. I was housed in a management cell for security reasons. Basically, a management cell is a secured cell. It has plexi glass on the door and the sides are welded up. Like a Level III cell in F-Pod.

Well, I had an associate on Death Watch with a date to die. All I could think about was getting moved before they killed him. I jacked dayrooms, got gassed and the whole nine yards. They still kept putting me back in the same cell. Though after 2 weeks they finally moved me.

While over there, I got to talk to several of the guys waiting to die. There were 12. A few expressed a lot of hope. One eve said ‘they are not going to kill me’. All 12 were executed!

A few talked about how a lot of people have joined their team to fight for them. I could only wonder ‘is it too late?’

It is not that I have a negative attitude. I face reality.

I do not think that many in the outside world fully grasp how the cards are actually stacked against us. I mean we are dealing with a court system that has ruled that ‘Innocence does not matter so long as the defendant got a fair trial.’ Fairness is judged by who’s holding the gun.

I am drifting again!

I have not known Richard for that long. He is on of those people who when you first meet him, you automatically like him.

After getting back to my cell from visit, I though about his daughter, my stepdaughter and both of our situations.

As the tears stung my eyes, I could only think ‘Is it too late?’

No matter what, the fight must go on. A lot of people get involved in the death penalty struggle by becoming friends with a convict on the row. When he gets executed, they loose interest a lot of times. Just too much pain!

There is a story about a little girl who was walking along a beach. She saw dozens of starfish stranded on the beach, so she began to run and throw them back in the water as fast as she could. An old man was watching her the whole time.

He called out ‘little girl, what are you doing?’

She replied ‘trying to save the starfish’ and the man said ‘but you can not possibly save them all!’

The girl then said ‘I know, but as long as I save just one, then I have made a difference’.

No matter what happens, you can’t give up. If you give up, the system wins.

My point is this. To all who are fighting for Richard, I as well as everyone else, that have love and respect for him, really appreciate it.

If the worst-case scenario occurs, don’t loose focus. Use what you learned from him and his experience to guide you through the next battle.

Many battles will be lost before the war is won. If you give up, then every battle fought was in vain.

In a speech by Winston Churchill in 1940, he said ‘Victory at all costs, Victory in spite of all terror. Victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.’

Use the pain to fuel the fire.

In my 21 years on this earth, I have been through a lot of pain and faced death more times than a man ever should. (‘It is the price you pay, for the game you play’) In my 21 years no one has ever broke me down more than that eight-year-old baby girl waving and smiling. For her sake and all the others out there like her, don’t give up!

I am including a piece of my writings that Richard wanted. It is titled:

-‘Happiness?’-

As I sit in my anger, staring out at the glazed finish of happiness, I feel somewhat dazed by the danger of the misconception that I experience from hope. How can I place faith in an event that has yet to transpire?

It is all really an illusion used to deceive ourselves? How much of our happiness is true? To smile while crying seems far too easy. We lock away unwanted feelings and build up mental walls in order to block out emotion.

It seems that in this day in time, everyone has the potion of happiness.

What is true and what is false?

What is simple for one is so very complicated for the next. All near and far repeat ‘Oh, if I had only one wish!’

So many smiles, yet so many tears. All are happy, yet all complain.

What is it about the shiny surface of happiness that causes so many to hurt? So many kill, rape, robe, deal to get it. The harder they try, the further they fall from it.

As I sit in my anger staring out at the glazed finish of happiness, I decide that I am contempt right where I am at.

Clint Young #999447
Polunsky Unit – Death Row

P.S. Chi-Town, I heard all the ‘Calvin Klein Model’ comments that you have been making about me. We do not need all that jealousy. :)

By the way, I heard they are about to start selling Rogaine on commissary. Seeing how you are the ‘before treatment’ model for Rogaine, I figured you could hook Rick up with a few bottles :) Ha-Ha!

Stand tall, fade all, NEVER fall!

Clint Young, #999447
Polunsky Unit – Death Row 

All contributions are most welcome! Thank you!