How strong is a man supposed to be? What is the measure of a man? In a way the measure of a man is like the concept of reality. It's according to the person and culture.

Reality is based on perception.

I had someone that is a a close friend write me in concern of some of my my previous articles. That she wasn't amused by them and thought I was stronger than that. I am in no way condemning her words! It isn't about that, but her words got me to thinking and that is what inspired this article. I honestly don't know which article she is talking about. I have been under so much stress lately that I can't even recall what I wrote in my articles the past few weeks. I was in an emotionally displaced mind frame I guess you could say.

Though it did get me to thinking.

How strong am I supposed to be?

Can my strength be measured by my resistance against the system? Or in my ability to maintain my humanity and contain myself? In a recent article I pointed out the story in the New Yorker about the kind of cells I am housed in. Let me tell ya, them thoughts and rage are true. For the longest my resistance is what kept me going. The fact that I had to battle my previous lawyers at every turn. It was like I had no win no matter which way I turned. So my foundation was built upon my struggle. Then I got new lawyers on my appeal. Instead of being happy, I felt sad and kind of lost. It's the first time I ever had thoughts of harming myself, when I should have been rejoicing. I didn't have to fight that struggle anymore. My resistance against the system. I never felt more alive than when I was fighting the system with others. The struggle, the adversity. It motivated me. I felt alive. Against the odds! Me getting ran in on by the guards and pepper sprayed often confuses people. Some here report how scared or nervous they feel when they get a use of force. I commend them for fighting through their fear, but I never felt that . I felt energized. Right when the door opened and they started coming in, I felt a sense of calmness. Afterwards I would feel so relaxed and in a great mood. I never slept better than the night after a use of force.

I think that is due to the release of so much pent up energy. Not all my moments have been strong though. I have felt helpless. I have been so consumed with rage at the guards and just life in general, that I was on my knees in the middle of my cell floor with my head pressed against the floor biting my knuckles so hard they bled. Thinking of nothing else but lashing out at the guards.

I have laid in bed thinking of just not writing no one els. Going to level three and never writing another person! The oppressive nature of the system. The tigerish lust to annihilate of the courts and prosecutors. The ignorance of the people. And mostly the lies and pipe dreams of those that should be by my side and or claim a desire to be. As well as the drama games that take place in here with other inmates.

It all adds up. More so due to my personality. Some people are able to survive in here because they have no ability to guide themselves. They are satisfied with letting others run their lives. Their whole life has been spent as sheep. So their weakness helps them survive. My strength has helped me to survive and on the other hand almost destroyed me. I had to deal with lawyers trying to kill me. An investigator that blew one of my appeals due to smoking crack with witnesses and filing false statements in my appeal. Then an investigator was hired by a friend of mine for “ a lot of money”. It was all wasted due to my lawyers at the time refusal to even speak with the investigators. The lawyers sent me paper work to sign to give them permission. I signed it and they got it! Well they just started to refuse to return the investigators calls. They didn't speak to my investigator until ten days before my appeal was due. When they did speak with him, they had him look into a bunch of frivolous bullshit that only burned up the money. Matters that they knew was baseless and false! Basically they diverted the investigators from anything that pertained to showing I was innocent. You don't believe me? Well the friend that was dealing with the investigator is still around! It isn't my place to put her out in the public. She was shocked by it all. Then I was able to finally get these lawyers off my case. I get appointed the federal public defenders office from Los Angeles California. As well as Donald Vernay of New Mexico. I was the ONLY Texas inmate with a federal public defenders office on his case. The fifth Circuit region of the United States which is Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi. I believe that is the only three states in the 5^th Circuit. No where in the 5^th Circuit did any other inmate but me have federal defenders office on a case.

This rarity did open some doors and upset some people. The result of having them on my case is me being back in the trial level court with proof that the prosecutors hid evidence and had people lie. They also helped to get the ballistic testing that shows that I didn't do both murders. Before I was only able to get a report on one of the murders. The murder of Samuel Petrey is the one that mattered the most as his death is what makes it a Capital Murder. I had two counts. Two murders for one count and murder robbery for the other count. Samuel Petrey was listed in both counts. So without his death, there is no Capital offense. If I prove I am innocent to his murder, I prove I am innocent of Capital Murder. I have done that.

The sates own experts show I couldn't have done the murder. They also uncovered that the judge over my trial whom is also the very same judge I am back in front of, sent a letter to all of my jury members telling them I am dangerous and deserve to die. He then turned around and denied my motion for new trial and then denied my state writ of habeas corpus. The appeals court found that there was no harm in him sending that letter to my jury and sent me right back in front of him. For 67 days he would not even appoint me a lawyer. I had to write him and request to represent myself if he wasn't going to appoint my same lawyers. It would have been more complicated for them to let me do that, so he appointed Donald Vernay back on my case. The lawyers have to be reappointed at every level of appeal. Though he refused to put the two lawyers working on my case from California. The reason given was not a valid one, so my lawyers filed for reconsideration and provided proof that the judges reason was invalid. He still refuses to appoint them. I am starting to think that this judge is a tad bit biased.

What do y'all think?

Also to make things a little more interesting, guess who gets to investigate the prosecutors for presenting false testimony and withholding evidence? THE VERY SAME PROSECUTION OFFICE! That's right. Midland County District Attorneys Office gets to investigate Midland County District Attorneys Office for misconduct! The current head prosecutor is one of the prosecutors listed as withholding evidence. So I have a judge that has openly stated that I deserve to die and the same prosecutors who withheld evidence investigating themselves and dealing with my case.

I mean please really think about that!

NOW you all see why my stress level is so high? Why I try so hard to get the funding raised for future legal cost and try as hard as I can to get media attention? I had to fight like hell to get the previous lawyers off of my case. I finally get decent lawyers and I got to fight like hell to get them back on my case!

JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS?

Time ticks on.... In the meantime I strive to stay strong. Next issue. I have previously made mention of the case of Cameron Todd Willingham. I recently got some articles on his case. Old and new. I BEG you all to go to www.chicagotribune.com and look up the article posted August 25,2009 by Steve Mills. The article I got in the mail had three of the comments posted. It shows an indicator of (34) comments by the date the article was printed for me. The top comment of the three that got printed someone cites his final statement. The next comment cites Willingham v. State. Which is what the appeal judge wrote out. They take the words of the prosecutor and repeat it in their opinion. Which makes the defendant look as bad as possible. Well in the opinion that is listed on the comment, it makes it seem like Willingham had no concern for his kids, and was only worried about his car. He just sat there watching it burn. Well the VERY NEXT comment was taken from the New Yorker in an investigation they done. It goes on to say that while talking to a fireman another fireman carried out one of his kids and Todd ran over to her and seen her and then tried to run in the house. They had to put him in handcuffs and tackle him to keep him from running to the house after his other two kids. He even punched a cop giving him a black eye to get away from them to go in the house that was burning. A fireman even said that prior to all that they had to also hold Willingham back, as it was too dangerous.

So you see how the opinion by the state court paints this image of an evil person that just sat there watching his house burn up with his kids in it and was only worried about his car. Yet upon further digging it gets revealed that “Oh what do you know” but he had to be restrained, not once but twice and even assaulted a cop to try to get inside the house! The first fireman on the scene had to keep him back. Yet the courts opinion says that Willingham showed ZERO concern for his kids and no remorse.

See what people don't realize is that when a prosecutor files a response to an appeal, they ONLY pick and choose and present the bits and pieces that absolutely support the prosecutions position. So the whole picture isn't presented. Then if the court, which in the past more often than not does, if they accepted the prosecutors findings of fact, then the court adopts that finding and presents it as their ruling. An example from my case, the court says I shot a man during a home invasion, yet this VERY same man that was shot says that I didn't even have a gun. I got his testimony! He says it in his testimony and in the initial police report. Yet the state doesn't quote that. Well since the defendants lawyers file the appeal first and then the state responds to it, we have no idea of what the state will say. So there is a guessing game on what to raise and what to say in the appeal. The cards are stacked against us is what I am saying here. Willinghams' situation is a prime example. The prosecutors make me out to be some violent hell bent on total destruction guy when I was free, but when a person looks a little deeper it all starts to fade away. The media often doesn't help as most Texas media caters to the prosecution. When you read the words the “states position” well the state is the same as saying the prosecutor or district attorney. They represent the state. So when we say the “state” does this or the “state” does that, more often than not it is about the prosecution, when reference to something filed in an appeal. I just thought it was interesting on how the comments posted about Willinghams' case (on the row we called him Todd) and show how the state propagated one perception, yet there was a totally different reality.

There was another media report from Texas. I think it was in Waco or the Houston Chronicle, where one of Todds' lawyers, his trial lawyer, just totally smashed on him and called him all kinds of liar and names and goes on about how he seen the house and it was started by Willingham. Now this lawyer doesn't know shit about forensic science. People will read those articles and think “wow, Willingham must be guilty and deserve what he got” what they will not think about is that this attorney is trying to cover his ass and the fact that if he would have done a proper job Willingham would not have been executed. So if he let an innocent man die it is bad for business. So this lawyer gets out in the media and in a totally unethical manner and just slams on Willinghams' character and says he is guilty. When the nine different experts that have reviewed Willinhams case say the fire investigators totally blew the investigation and testified in a false manner that was more fantasy than reality.

Now an actual state committee is reviewing the case. If they rule in a manner such as the other nine experts, then it will be the first time ever a state committee openly admits an innocent man was executed. So it will be interesting to see if they do it or try to cover it up.

Time will tell.

It is little specks of light that shimmer in all the darkness that helps to provide strength. The thought of being able to hold on a little bit longer.

My websites are finally getting shaped up. So maybe some progress can be achieved. To all those helping and focused on what matters I truly appreciate it. A couple have stepped up to shape things up. Their help was a godsend. Though they need numbers and assistance.

Time ticks on.....

I leave as I came

Sincerely

Clinton Young #999447

Polunsky Unit DR

3872 FM 350 South

Livingston TX 77351