Loud and Clear 4/1/09

I was thinking about something the other day. Life is a box. If a person is arrested for a capital crime and given the death in Texas. From start to end that person will never leave a box. The jail cells are shaped like boxes and a casket is a box.

I was talking to a guy about post execution desires. he said he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread over a location in Africa. I said "hell no I aint trying to get burnt up and I don’t want to be buried in a casket", He pointed out I had a real dilemma. He asked why not a casket. I pointed out that it was going from a single man box to another! I want to be made into a statue? like how a taxidermist does deer and bear and other animals. I think that is illegal in the US though. For some reason death has been on my mind lately. maybe due to the different direction my case has taken. I have better chances so death is more of a concern. When I did not have lawyers that actually cared. Death seemed more certain. So there was an acceptance of it so to speak. It is really hard to explain, though I am sure most understand. Friedrich Nietzsche said "hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man." In my current situation these words ring true. It is easy for people to say be positive and all that. Sure I can have hope of positive outcome but I am faced with a stark reality. Texas killed 4 people in 2 weeks! Last year china killed at least 1718, Iran 346, Saudi Arabia got 102, the United States got 37 and Pakistan 36. A good crowd we run with here.

I went back to UTMB hospital to have my other wisdom tooth cut out. I didn’t have the problem I did last time with the medication. Though I was ten times more nervous. they put us to sleep for oral surgery. Well they hooked me up to an IV and a oxygen/pulse and blood pressure monitor. When she turned it on and the guy started the IV my heart rate jumped from the 53 beats per minute to like over 80. She asked me if I was okay. I just said "hell naw!". the doctor was cool though and that helped. I think he understood my concern about getting put to sleep, so they did not use as much chemical that puts you out. I was in and out all thru the surgery. Where as the first time, I was out cold. I woke up in my cell bed. This time I was talkin to the guard about death penalty issues in post operation monitoring. I also noticed a huge difference from the prison hospital and the unit nurses. the nurses all work for UTMB out of Galveston Texas, but they are stationed at units around Texas. The nurses in Galveston acted like free world nurses. the doctor and nurses were nice, polite and treated me like a normal human being. Where as here most got snotty attitudes. I guess that could be related to having to deal with all the inmates? THAT can get on anyone’s nerves as there are some unique individuals in prison to say the least.

I don’t like being on meds as it just more that I have to deal with... I have had to jack the food slot and all kinds of stuff for my pain meds. The guard I refused to let close my food slot, saw me later playing basketball and eating ice cream on the rec. yard as is was commissary day. She pointed all that out next time she seen me and said "your ass wasn’t in no pain!" I just laughed and said "it’s about getting what I am supposed to have."

Now, my struggle is over the medical mouth wash I am supposed to get twice a day for 14 days. There is this nurse, I don’t know her name, I just call her clown face as she wears an ungodly amount of makeup and has very poor and ugly dye job on her hair. My mom was a cosmetologist so I pay attention to these things. Haha O- a not to all ladies, dudes really prefer less or no makeup on you. with hardly any makeup on it makes the woman more confident and more approachable. A little makeup shows u care about your appearance but not trying to alter anything. so less is best. Anyways, back to clown face, she never brings my mouth rinse. as you can guess this really really bothers me! She is the only one who does not bring it and gives a bullshit excuse about it. Long sigh, Always something.

O yeah before I forget they gave us spoiled beans again. I spoke up and a couple others as my section joined me in it. Rank said we would get a supplement. they lied! we didn’t get shit...so now I got lied to which upset me more then the beans. so when that working shift came back to work, I tried to talk to rank, though they had numerous use of forces, so I waited till the next day and jacked the slot. the officers was like man that was a week ago! I said I don’t give a damn, there isn’t no statute of limitations on you people messing me over! Another reason I pushed the issue is a guy popped off "I see you still waiting on them beans!" so I said I am gonna get mine!!!! SO ego came into play ;). Long story short I got my supplement... again! which I promptly pointed out to my fellow inmate who made his snide remark haha.

My lawyers recently filed my appeal in state court. that had only 30 days to do so. I received my copy 2 days ago. I liked it. Now comes the wait to see what happens next! always the wait. Some good news is that portions of that are to be added to my DVD should be on its way to the needed people. I swear such a simple task has turned into a 2 yr project worthy to challenge the attempt at democracy in Iraq. I figure I would have a better chance at getting peace in the middle east then getting my DVD done and ready to go. Hopefully Vera gets everything soon! Nothing else really going on in life. I read " the kite runner" then " the old man and the sea" and now I am finishing up "a thousand splendid suns" I really like this one. I am not finished so I can’t say if I like it better then "the kite runner" but so far so good. There seems to be a problem with some of my web sites, I am trying to get more and more legal work posted. hopefully all that gets sorted soon.

With that I am gone. I leave as I came.

Respectfully,
Clint

PS: Regina I hope your feeling better.   

All contributions are most welcome! Thank you!